Well then.

There we go.

I wish it were easier to express feelings at a time like this. I wish it were easy to pinpoint one emotion, describe it perfectly, and convey what message I want to get across, and once that’s done, I move onto another. But it’s in these times that I see where I lack the most.

I used to think key-smashing was an effective, albeit juvenile, way. I felt like it was enough.

But key smashing can’t describe the way I feel so sad. For what or whom, I’m not sure. Myself I guess. Why is another question altogether, and one that I’ll have to ponder on another time.

I’m also kind of mad, although really, I have no right to be.

I feel guilty, because I want to be happy.

I feel like I’ve been cheated, like it’s all so unfair.

I’m also feeling kind of lost.

A line from a Korean drama goes: “if I were to remove him from all the memories of the past 10 years of my life, would I have a me left?” My version is less encompassing, of course, but the point is the same: k-pop has been such a huge part of my life, and if I were to cut that off, what would define me? You would think it sad, I suppose, that a twenty-something should define herself on a genre of music, but to each his/her own.

 

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